There are very few cases of someone waking up and suddenly deciding that they do not want to be married to their spouse anymore. Granted there are some reasons to divorce but the simple fact is that most people overlook the signs that their marriage is failing. They ignore the subtle cues and as a result miss valuable opportunities to save their failing marriage. It is almost as if they are wearing blinders to the fact that they are headed straight for divorce court. And it is never easy going through a divorce.
But there are some common, subtle (and not so subtle) signs that your marriage might be in jeopardy or at the very least need some work. If you can learn to identify these signs then you can keep your marriage together and functioning happily. So what are these signs and how do you fix the problems?The first sign is intimacy.
You would think that lack of communication is the first sign of a failing marriage but in truth for most people this is a sign that they miss almost 90% of the time. People get caught up in the day to day happenings of work, school and kids. They stop really and truly communicating and never even notice that the conversations between each other are not meaningful anymore. And it is true…not every conversation has to be meaningful but there needs to be deeper talks every now and again. Once this line of communication is broken then intimacy is next and that is where the problem deepens.
Intimacy does mean sex but it also means affectionate gestures. Couples with failing marriages never complain about having too much intimacy. They complain about not enough. Hugs, kisses and yes, even sexual relations stop. The reason points back to lack of communication. If you cannot talk to your spouse about your feelings then you bottle them up inside and begin to let the little things bother you and before you know it, it has been months since any act of physical intimacy. That is a huge problem and one many spouses will cite as a reason, not that there is one justifiable, for cheating. Not every spouse will cheat physically but they may turn to another for emotional and mental intimacy that they should be getting from their spouse.
Once intimacy and communication are gone then it opens up a huge gateway for other problems. Fights begin over simple things such as who did not do their share of chores. Fights about financial issues are some of the biggest reasons cited by spouses attempting therapy. But there is hope in saving your marriage. You have to relearn how to communicate and you have to learn how to be intimate with each other again. You have to rediscover the passion that sparked your relationship. It is not a one way street though. Both parties must work on resolving the underlying issues and begin working on having a happy, productive and functioning relationship.