Life after divorce can be a confusing and emotional time for many people. You may…
1. Remember to keep your ears open more than your mouth
Your date is not one of your girlfriends, and he probably would enjoy a chance to talk about himself and his interests for a little while too. If he seems uninterested in sharing, it may just be that he’s quiet. Ask questions to get him talking about himself and what interests him.
2. Get dressed up
Nothing says “I’m not interested” quite as loudly as showing up for a date poorly dressed. You don’t have to be a fashion diva, but make a little extra effort to show your date that you took time with him in mind. Dress appropriately for the activity of the day and always be prepared for the unexpected.
3. Avoid talking about your past dates and ex-partners
Should the relationship progress past a few solitary dates, you might be in a place where it is all right to talk about these people, but in general you should steer clear of mentioning them as much as possible. If you do mention previous partners, you are risking giving your date the impression that he might never live up to your memories or that you are still hung up on an ex.
4. Do not be rude
This includes being rude to your date, the babysitter, your waiter and the woman behind the counter at the coffee shop. Use your best manners and be polite as much as possible. Remember that the goal is to make a good impression! And expect the same in return. Pay attention to how your date talks to you and to others and whether they treat others with respect.
5. Watch your language
While a man may be impressed at his new buddy’s ability to curse like a sailor, chances are that he does not want to hear the same from a lady friend. If you want to be respected, you need to act as though you deserve respect after all.
6. Don’t keep him waiting
Remember that old saying about being fashionably late? No? Good! It’s not nice to keep your date waiting and being late can demonstrate disrespect and disorganization. If you cannot avoid being late, be sure to call as soon as you realize that you will be running behind.
7. Avoid talking politics
While you may be passionate about your favorite political candidate, there is a good chance that a political discussion could ruin a perfectly fun evening. It is important to avoid arrogance on a date and although you may feel strongly about a specific issue or candidate there is no guarantee that you are right. So you are definitely better to avoid hot topics altogether.
8. Never cancel a date at the last minute unless you are cancelling for a family emergency
If you know that you need to cancel, it is important to give the other person plenty of notice so that they can reschedule the time. If you don’t, there is a good chance that your date will not be understanding, ruining your chance of seeing them again in the future.
9. Make your date feel as though he is the only person in the room
Remember that a date is about two people getting to know one another. Therefore, you should focus all of your attention on your date. This will make the other person feel special and important. Also, make sure that you maintain eye contact with your date as much as possible throughout the evening to show attentiveness.
10. Be classy, but avoid extravagance
It is important to look classy on your dates, but to avoid being overly showy. Even if you have a pair of 2 carat diamond earrings you should not necessarily wear them on the first date. However, you should try to avoid wearing jeans unless you are going to an amusement park or a baseball game. Business casual attire is almost always appropriate for a first date, and it shows that you care about how you look and respect yourself.
11. Don’t worry so much about the future
There are some times when two people are simply not going to be attracted to one another. Even if you find your date to be completely unattractive, you should still show him the courtesy of making the evening enjoyable. Smile, be polite and have a good time. There’s no rule that you can’t just be friends.
12. Don’t lie
Honesty is always the best policy, and unless you want your date to find out some time in the future that you based the beginning of your relationship on a series of lies, it is far better to be honest from the beginning. After all, don’t you expect the same level of honesty from your date?
13. Make sure that your date feels comfortable
If you notice that your date is feeling uncomfortable for any reason, it’s a good time to either change the subject or possibly suggest moving to another activity or location. Ask yourself why your date might be uneasy and do whatever you can to make him feel more comfortable.
14. Be witty and cute!
There’s nothing wrong with a few witty comments. It’s important to show your date that you can be both smart and attractive. Be sure to keep your conversation on topics that are not opinionated or aggressive and you are certain to charm anyone listening.
15. If you don’t like your date the first time, either give him a second shot or just be honest
It’s unfair and rude to leave the door open to future dates if you are simply uninterested. Don’t promise to call unless you intend to call. And don’t lead him on. Sometimes one person feels chemistry that the other person does not, and it is unfair to take advantage of the other person’s feelings. It is far better to just be honest.
16. Don’t date other people when you are in a relationship
If you do, be completely honest with the guy. Remember that you would expect that same level of honesty. It is important for your date to realize that there may be nothing more than a single date as a result of your prior involvement.
17. Look great but not uninviting
Beautiful hair and light makeup go a long way no matter what you are wearing. Focus on looking your best at all times, but be natural and be yourself. Make sure that your clothes fit properly and if that shirt is wrinkled, iron it before you head out for the evening!
18. Keep dates brief
If you want to keep your men interested, you should keep your dates brief so that they have to call for another date if they want to spend more time with you. Open ended dates are okay as well, that way you have the opportunity to end the date when you are ready or to continue it for a longer time if you are both enjoying the evening.
19. Stay in shape
When you are on the dating scene, it is important to stay as healthy and fit as you possibly can. After all, although they may not plainly state it, your dates are going to be just as interested in your looks as they are in your brains. Don’t be obsessive, but pay attention to what you eat and get plenty of exercise. This way, you will be looking and feeling your best.
20. Don’t always say “YES”
Even if you are going to be sitting at home petting your cat on Friday night, a Thursday night dinner invitation may be too short of notice! Don’t say yes to every date, or at least not to the proposed time. This will help you to find out which men are interested for real and which are just bored and without plans for the following evening.
21. Never make assumptions
If you have a question for your date, it is important to simply ask the question. It is far better to have the real answer than to make assumptions, because should the relationship continue you may find yourself continuing to hold incorrect assumptions.
22. Avoid possessive men as much as possible
If you are on a date and the guy starts getting possessive, this is most likely a sign of insecurity. Give him a chance to change the behavior by pointing it out or just resolve that he’s not the right guy for you and move on.
23. Keep an eye on his shoes
The shoes that a man wears are a good indication of how well he takes care of himself. If he shows up in ragged shoes, unless you are going hiking, you should be on the lookout for other similar signs. Remember that everyone has a bad day now and again and don’t be too critical the first time his appearance is lacking. But, if he is constantly disheveled, you might want to think about what else in his life is not in order.
24. Be careful to never come across as completely available or desperate
Even if you haven’t had a date in months there is no reason to tell him that. Let him pursue you and show him that you’re worth chasing. Don’t say yes every time he calls and give him the impression that you’re busy occasionally so that he doesn’t think you’re sitting at home waiting for his every call.
25. Concentrate on fun and savor every date
Getting nervous about the second date while you’re still on the first is a bad move. Stop obsessing, and just enjoy the time that you are spending with Mr. Wonderful. And remember that even an awesome first date might not guarantee a good second date.
26. Show some class
Remember that while men are going to be attracted to you physically, it is more important that they are attracted to your class if you are looking for something a little more serious. Show your intelligence, your ability to be caring and sensitive and don’t be afraid to mention the last book you read. It’s not all about your looks; your brains are just as important to anyone worth keeping around!
27. Don’t put up with being second best
If you are on a date with a man whose eyes have spent more time wandering than they have on you, then find a way to make a quick escape. Thank him for the evening and don’t give him the chance to waste any more of your time. In general, it is best not to just walk out in the middle of a date because it’s rude. However, in a particularly uncomfortable situation, it might be better for you to leave on your own.
28. Look for men who know who they are and what they want
Many women will tell you that there’s nothing more attractive in a man than confidence. If you are looking for a confident man, seek those who seem to have a presence that says they know who they are and where they are going with their lives. And remember that just because a man does not have your ideal job or income level, it doesn’t mean that he’s not worth getting to know better.
29. Laugh at his jokes
Unless your date tells you a joke that is completely tasteless, generally it is polite to laugh at his jokes. Remember that this might be his way of making you feel comfortable. You should do the same in return! Even if you just heard the joke an hour earlier, laugh and make him think you’ve never heard it before.
30. Keep the conversation flowing
Even the worst dates can end up well thanks to good conversation. Have a few questions in mind to spark your date’s interest. Just try not to make it seem like a job interview. If you’re out of practice, consider trying out your questions on a friend ahead of time. Sometimes, it’s easier to ask questions that you are not asking for the first time.
31. Be confident
We all get nervous on first dates, it’s expected. But once the date has actually started, be confident and show your confidence in yourself. A good way to show low confidence is to remain silent throughout the date. Don’t do it! Be yourself and show your date that you are having a good time.
32. Be yourself
Don’t try to fool anyone by pretending to be something or someone you are not. Remember that if the first date goes well, you might find yourself spending more time with this guy in the future. Let him know who you are from the very beginning, otherwise if he finds out later that you aren’t who you pretended to be, the relationship could come to a screeching halt.
33. Use excellent table manners
Even if you go to a casual place for dinner, take the time to show your date that you are a lady. Put your napkin on your lap, don’t eat with your fingers unless you are eating finger food and always keep your mouth closed while you chew! If your mother was sitting at the table, would she be proud of you?
34. Stay away from overly personal questions
The first date is about getting to know the other person, but there are some topics that are better left for later dates. Remember that if things go well, you will have plenty of chances to ask personal questions later. And sometimes, the fewer details your date has about your personal life the better, particularly if the date does not go as well as you had hoped.
35. Always say “Thank You”
Even if the date turned out to be a nightmarish experience it is important to thank your date for taking time to spend with you. A thank you at the end of the evening is an excellent open door for your date to ask you out again or for you to end the evening quickly if you would prefer not to see the other person again.
36. Pay attention to how much you are drinking
Whether it’s wine with dinner, beers with friends or martinis after a show it is important to maintain your senses when you are on a date. Getting drunk puts your safety in question and it could result in you saying or doing things that you might very well regret later on.
37. Always tell someone who you are with and where you are going
This is particularly important on a first date. Whether you tell a friend or a family member, just be sure that someone knows where you will be. Should anything bad happen, they will have a way to locate you quickly.
38. Get to the point if you have no intention of going on another date with someone
If you simply have no intention of seeing this guy again, tell him that. Being nice is not always the best policy. A good approach is to thank your date at the end of the evening and then to explain that you are simply feeling no chemistry between the two of you. Be aware that he may ask for a second chance. You need to decide in advance whether or not this is something that you would consider.
39. At the end of the evening, if you are not interested, don’t tell him you’d prefer to be friends
That is of course, unless you have decided that there is some type of chemistry between the two of you. Chemistry does not always have to be romantic, and if you think there’s a chance for friendship then there’s no harm in it. But be honest and give him the opportunity to say no.
40. Be soft but firm with your rejection
Men are not the best signal interpreters. It is better to be forthright and honest, particularly if you do not want to see him again. Otherwise, you are setting him up to be hurt and putting yourself in a situation where he may not get the subliminal messages you are sending.
41. Know what you are looking for
If you have a good idea of the type of partner you are looking for, you are destined to be looking for a shorter period of time than someone who doesn’t know what they want. Don’t date men just to say you have a date. Be selective and only date those men who have what you are looking for.
42. Keep the first date as casual as possible
It is important to remember that the first date is about figuring out whether or not you’d like to spend more time getting to know the other person. But at the same time, you need to make every effort to keep the date as casual as possible. Your goal is to find the right person for you and you will not figure this out in one single date. Take the time to get to know your date and then decide whether or not this person seems to really have what you are looking for.
43. Think of how you will feel about the person you date
Before the date, worry less about making a good impression and more about how you are going to feel about the other person. You will be looking and feeling great and you need to allow yourself to spend the evening figuring out what you think of the other person.
44. Don’t feel the need to settle
After women are on the dating scene for a while, they may begin to question whether they are simply being too picky about the men in their lives. Don’t fall into this trap! Until you find Mr. Right, continue to look. And, never settle for someone simply because you think you’ll never find the right one for you.
45. Pay attention to the small things
Be careful not to come across as cold or uncaring to your date. After all, men are looking for someone to love. If you don’t come across as lovable there is a good chance that he will assume you aren’t. Men like feminine women, so be sure to try to show your feminine side as much as possible!
46. Be challenging
Men prefer to be challenged in relationships, so that they do not become bored. This is not to say that you should try to compete with your date, but be interesting and unique. A challenged man is a man who will try to rise and meet the challenge. So be interesting and keep him chasing for some time to come.
47. Men are looking for commitment
In general, most men are looking for women who want to commit to them. They want and need someone to confide in and trust. If you are not interested in a commitment, it is important to be honest from the beginning to avoid hurt feelings. This is something you may not discover for a few dates, but be on the lookout for the signs if you are looking to avoid a long term commitment.
48. Use your eyes
Eye contact is very important. Your eyes can speak at length on your behalf! If you are interested in someone, make and keep eye contact with them as much as possible. First, make direct eye contact and then let them catch you making sideways glances. Let him catch you! Then turn your eyes downward and smile. He’ll pick up on this signal that you are interested.
49. Be aware of your body language
If you are interested in your date, never sit with your arms crossed. If you are cold, you might want to make a comment about it if you do have your arms crossed for warmth though. One sure way to show interest is to keep your hands moving gracefully, possibly over to remove that piece of lint from his jacket.
50. Be cautious
Safety is something that you need to pay particular attention to when you are dating. Always go to public and well-lit places for your first date and make sure that you have a safe way home should the date turn sour. Never drink and drive, and pay attention to how much alcohol you are drinking when you are out with someone you do not know very well.
51. Consider giving out your email address rather than your phone number
Email addresses are easy to change, as opposed to phone numbers. When you meet a man for the first time and he asks for your number, consider giving him your email address instead. If by some chance he becomes a stalker, you can simply get a new email address. Never give out your home address to someone you don’t know.