Cheating spouses aren't always that smart. Even when they are, they still tend to leave…
After catching a spouse cheating there are only a couple of realistic options for you. The first is to let it go and the second is to confront them. Few people will want to do the former, and so it’s now a matter of working out how to go about the latter.
Take time to get all your thoughts in order
When you first suspected your spouse was cheating, you were probably very confused and unable to think straight. You may have even had urges towards doing some pretty rash things, but then you hopefully took time to figure things out and investigate the matter more closely. Now that you’ve caught your spouse cheating, you’re probably back in that same mindset. You need to relax before confronting them so you can get your thoughts together.
Be sure you really know what you think you know
Now that you’re thinking clearly, do you really know what you think you know? Review the facts and the evidence again, and even write it all down if you have to. If it turns out you’ve misinterpreted what were actually innocent actions you will end up being the bad guy. Don’t put your marriage on the line with false accusations.
Do you want to save the marriage?
After catching them cheating, you should figure this out for yourself before talking with them. Weigh the options you have, but realize that once confronted they may want a divorce even if you don’t. Also, whatever you decide you should be prepared for changing your mind, just don’t change it too quickly.
Think things through before hearing excuses
There are a lot of things your spouse can say once you confront them. They might deny it, they might admit and they may even be relieved to have finally been caught. Understand what all of the possibilities are and think about them beforehand. That will help you keep your cool when the confrontation actually happens.
Say your quick piece, and then listen
When it comes time to confront your cheating spouse you don’t need to go on making a long speech. Tell them you know and then hear what they have to say. Let them talk. If they deny it, if they admit it or if they bumble for words, you should just let them talk. When they’re done you can tell them how you know, if need be. In cases like that though, be prepared for more listening. When they talk, don’t interrupt. There’s no point and no one will get anything out of it. By just listening you get to keep your cool, keep arguments from irrupting, and lower the chances of any violent reactions coming out of either of you.
Respond when YOU want
After they’ve finished talking, you get to talk. You don’t have to talk though. You can easily just tell them that you need a moment, or a day, or a week. Once it’s out in the open that you are the victim who’s been cheated on, you have the right to take that time.