After the break-up, you may fear that you will be all alone for the rest…
Intimacy has to do with passion but it is so much more than that. Intimacy is closeness, it is familiarity, it is someone knowing you well enough to finish your sentences for you. It is openness you share with another person. Many people think of sex when they hear the word intimacy, but they forget that it also involves other vital actions such as eye contact, conversation and touching.
Studies have shown that intimacy tends to lessen the longer a couple is together. This is very evident when it comes to eye contact. Directly connecting with another person’s eyes is very intimate and tends to occur often in the beginning of a relationship. However, many individuals in more established and longer term relationships, look in the general vicinity of their partner’s eyes but not directly in their eyes. Doing this is less intense and therefore is not as intimate.
You do not have to accept a lessening of intimacy to be the fate of your love relationship. What you need to do is take steps to ensure that the level of intimacy you share with the one you love remains strong over time. To do this you need to be aware of the three keys to intimacy in a relationship. These are:
- Connective small talk
- Non-sexual physical contact
- Appreciation of your mate
Small talk is more important than many people realize. The more small talk you have with your lover the more connected you will become. This truth about intimacy has been borne out in a number of different studies. The more times you talk about the small stuff such as what happened at work or what you bought at the store, the less arguments you are likely to have.
Small talk can be about anything that comes to mind. Even a mention of the weather or tidying up the back yard fits the bill. It is all about sharing small pieces of information and observations with your partner. Talking about small things in life helps to bond the two of you and cement your relationship even further.
Non-sexual physical contact such as hugging or a gentle touch makes all of the difference to whether intimacy is high or low. Give your mate a hug more often and hold hands more often. Rub his or her back or shoulders. Look each other in the eyes every chance you get. These little morsels of intimacy can improve the quality of your relationship tremendously. Try it and see!
It is so easy to become negative and focus on the things that are wrong about your lover or what you do not like about him or her. Turn it around and begin to appreciate all that he or she has to offer you and your relationship as a whole. Do not zero in on what is missing but how your life is better because you have this person in it. Aim to find at least three things you appreciate about your mate on a daily basis. This will cause you to relate more positively to your lover, and in turn, will strengthen your ties to one another. From there intimacy and affection will grow.