Whether you have been married for only a brief period of time, many years, or…
When your marriage is failing it can definitely seem like the end of the world. You struggle to stay focused at work and your social life suffers dramatically. This is true of both people in the marriage. Each partner is unhappy and there is an overall sense of doom surrounding the atmosphere and each conversation. There are fights and even some screaming matches where one person ends up crying and the other leaves. But do not give up hope. There are ways to save your marriage but it is going to take some work and maybe some outside help on both you and your spouse’s part.
Many people automatically freeze up when the word “therapy” is mentioned. They imagine a
therapist sitting there taking the other partner’s side in all the arguments. This is a very common misconception on the male behalf. Another misconception is that there is something mentally wrong with you if you seek out therapy or that it is a waste of time. None of these things are true.
The best way to view a therapist that specializes in marriage counseling is to view him or her as an arbitration specialist. He or she is there to listen to both sides impartially and give advice. The therapist acts as a conduit to help each party learn to communicate better and maybe uncover some hidden issues that are at the root of the arguments causing the marriage such problems. But therapy can be expensive and not all insurances will pay for the amount of sessions required or needed. Another solution is to try your church pastor.
Many couples turn to their pastor or preacher for religious guidance when their marriage is failing. They believe that their faith can help heal the rifts they are experiencing and that the preacher can help offer them spiritual advice. This is a great idea for couples that embrace their religion positively. The preacher, or pastor, can offer them spiritual advice. Even if you are not Christian your faith has a spiritual leader that can help you and your spouse overcome the obstacles you are facing so that you can move ahead with your marriage and not be headed to divorce court.
If you or your partner are against seeking outside advice or help but are both still willing to work on saving your marriage then there is a third option. It may or may not work for you. It all depends on your level of commitment to saving your marriage. The third option is self-help books. You can go to your local bookstore or library to find books on opening up communication or getting past obstacles. But it does take both partners in order for this, or really any of the aforementioned suggestions, to work. If one party is set on leaving the marriage then there is often nothing that can be done but to accept it and try to recover. Saving a marriage is possible and people do so every day. You can do it if you are willing to be open, honest and be willing to work hard on it.