At some point in your marriage you are sure to experience marriage boredom. This can come at different stages during married life and can happen more than once. When you first get married, you are enjoying the newness of each other’s company as husband and wife. There are so many different things to concentrate on such as first apartment, first house, first job, first baby and discovering common interests.
But the “firsts” become seconds and thirds. Life can get tedious on a day to day basis. You begin to do the same things over and over again. Or you don’t do much of anything together. This often happens during the period when new careers are being built and new children have arrived. Using traditional roles for a moment, the husband concentrates on climbing the corporate ladder while the wife takes care of all the activities related to the children. Sometimes there are days when you don’t even see each other awake for more than an hour or two.
As the marriage progresses, you realize one day you have heard the same joke for the thousandth time. After years of living together, everything has become predictable. You know exactly what he likes to eat for meals and he knows exactly what you will do be doing Wednesday night.
A Case of “Blahs”
In almost every marriage there will be times when you wonder if you can stand even one more day of so much predictability. Boredom is probably one of the reasons for spouses looking to others for sexual relations too. When you are first married, there is usually frequent and regular sex. When life gets more complicated and places more demands on your time, sexual relations are often one of the first things to suffer.
You can get a case of marriage blahs and not even realize it is sneaking up on you. People have actually used boredom as an excuse for divorce. But in most cases, marriage partners don’t want a divorce but just some excitement added back to the relationship. Fortunately that is easy to do if you just pay attention to the details of your marriage and restore some of the very things you appreciated when first married.
Keeping romance and interest alive in a marriage is important. As a couple you should find the right balance of activities and togetherness that keep the marriage fresh. If this sounds like you each have to put forth a real effort to prevent marriage boredom, you would be absolutely right. For example, you can’t let yourself become physically unattractive and expect your partner to see you in the same light. He may need to begin exercising while she can pamper herself with a makeover. These kinds of activities send a message to the spouse that he or she cares what you think and wants to look best for you.
Adding Some Pizzazz
Routine boredom in a marriage can be very frustrating. When your husband comes home every Friday night and falls asleep in the chair, boredom is often one of the reasons. But getting someone to change their routine habits can take some finesse. You can begin by suggesting one evening that you go out to dinner together at a new restaurant. You need to add some variety to your life in many areas.
- Begin a new activity that interests you and takes your focus off your spouse as the sole source of companionship
- Do something romantic reminiscent of your younger days
- Do something different together such as attend a play or visit a local park
- Surprise your spouse in small ways on a regular basis such as serving a romantic dinner for two with candlelight or bringing home a small sentimental gift
- Spend time talking to each other every day
The cure for boredom is activity. When you need to reduce boredom in your marriage, the key is to find ways to restore the pizzazz in your marriage. Maintaining an emotional connection with a marriage partner is not something that “just happens”. You have to show a person on a regular basis that you care about what they are doing, thinking and feeling.
To fight boredom in your marriage, add activities to your marriage that are new and refreshing. This sends a clear message that you believe your marriage is worth the extra effort and your spouse is a very special person in your life. You may still be bored from time to time because it is human nature, but the feeling won’t last long. How can you be bored when someone shows you how much they love you on a regular basis?