“You don’t know what you have until it’s gone!” This cliché speaks the truth indeed. You understand just how much you’ve lost when you and your ex broke up. You realize that you cannot get over him or her and instead you want to get him or her back!
Is There A Way to Really Get Your Ex Back?
Relationship experts will offer you lots of different and sometimes conflicting advice on how to get back together with your ex. There is not one single effective method for getting your ex back and that is because there are lots of different reasons why a couple breaks up. So you need to understand this before putting all of your hopes into any advice that promises to help you revive your relationship and bring back the old times with your former partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband.
This is not to discourage you but make you understand before you go about the process of trying to win your ex back. You should also keep in mind that you may be the only one feeling the desire to get back together. He or she may no longer want to get back together with you – although he or she may be going through the same pain and loneliness as you are right now. However, by following the following steps, you will increase your chances of getting your ex back.
How to Get Your Ex Back in 4 Simple Steps
The steps outlined below can help you get your ex back. They have been tried and tested and have had great success with many people just like you all over the world.
Step 1 – Do Not Obsess Over Getting Your Ex Back
Most people who really want to get back with their ex after a breakup almost always do some or even all of the following:
- They send numerous texts and emails to their ex trying to resolve the problem.
- They send letters asking for forgiveness and promising that they have changed.
- They keep calling their ex every hour, every day.
- They keep showing up in places they know their ex frequents.
- They beg their ex to get back with them, professing their love tearfully.
- They act depressed whenever they are around their ex.
- Trying to win back their ex by buying expensive gifts or sending flowers.
- They resort to stalking their ex either online or in real life.
- They sulk their days away and refuse to even engage in fun things.
If you have tried any or some of these techniques, you may have already realized by now that they are not the best methods to use if you want to win your ex back. In fact, these are probably the worst things you can do.
These tactics can drive your ex farther away from you, especially if your ex broke up with you because he or she needed some space. The worst that can happen is that you force your ex to file for a restraining order against you.
So, if you want to get your ex back, the first thing you need to do is to keep yourself from obsessing over getting him or her back. If you bombard your ex with calls, text messages, emails, tweets or Facebook messages, they will quickly get annoyed and distance themselves from you.
The moment after a breakup is the most emotional moment for both sides. You are both still hurting and feeling low, it is not a good time to try and patch things up because you are both liable to explode, and this could potentially ruin things beyond repair. So first step, do not try to force a reconciliation, instead, allow some breathing space and clear your mind.
Step 2 – Figure It Out Why You Broke Up In The First Place
The next step is to figure out why you broke up in the first place. It is crucial to truly understand this before you continue with the task of getting your ex back. After this step, you either:
- Realize that you REALLY can’t live without your ex such that he or she is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life. Thus, it is important to try and get him or her back and be successful in your attempt.
- Realize that you cannot sacrifice your life, habits, passion, or profession just to be with your ex again. In other words, you could end up realizing that the breakup is the best thing that happened to your relationship.
Now take a break and try to recall the events that triggered or led to the breakup.
- Was it because of something you said or your ex said?
- Was it something either of you did or did not do?
- Was it because of someone else, a third party, or a suspected third party?
- Was it all a misunderstanding because of a lack of communication?
- Was it due to conflicts of ideas or interests?
When you have a good idea of what really caused the breakup, then it is time to decide whether you are really willing to compromise.
Be honest with yourself!
- Are you ready to give something up just to get back with your ex?
- Are you ready to swallow your pride and show that you are willing to make changes in your life to accommodate your ex back in it?
In order to get back something or someone that has been lost, some things always need to be sacrificed. If you are ready to make that sacrifice, then you can continue to the next step.
Step 3 – Minimize Your Contact With Your Ex
It’s normal to feel devastated after a breakup. You feel lonely and empty, and it seems like the world has stopped and you cannot go on until everything is back to normal. Yet, the third step you need to take is to minimize contact with your ex.
How is that going to help?
You should realize by now that you need to give each other the chance to think back and contemplate on matters. Do not fear that not contacting your ex will be interpreted as a sign of moving on. On the contrary, your ex will start to get curious about your move, and that curiosity will grow until he or she can no longer take it and take steps on his or her own to find out how you are doing.
Keep yourself off the phone and off the Internet but do not make yourself totally invisible. If you make yourself scarce, your ex will surely think less and less of you until he or she has forgotten you enough to move on. Of course, you don’t want that so don’t go off the radar completely:
- Hang out with your mutual friends.
- Allow yourself to be seen by him or her in places you both frequent but don’t appear miserable or detached from everything else.
- If you are in the same room, do not actively seek his or her attention but do not deliberately ignore him or her either. Speak with your ex if you must but refrain from talking about the past. Focus on the present, and do not bring the breakup into the conversation!
By successfully minimizing your contact with your ex, you achieve the following:
- You make your ex think about you more.
- Your ex might get the feeling that he or she has truly lost something valuable. Then regret will seep in, slowly followed by the longing to bring the lost relationship back.
- You do not appear needy or desperate to your ex.
Step 4 – Do NOT Put Your Life On Hold As You Wait For Your Ex Back
It may seem that the world has stopped turning after you broke up with your love, but did it really? The last step to getting your ex back is the most important one. You simply have to get on with your life and stop wallowing in loneliness or nursing your broken heart.
Keep on doing the things that you love to do. The things that make you happy. Striving to be a happy person just after a breakup is not a tactic to spite your ex. You’re doing this for your own well-being. A happy person is an attractive person.
Think about it for a second! Did you attract your ex by being depressed in the first place? No, your ex probably saw what a bubbly, happy person you were. That’s why your ex fell for you in the first place. Being gloomy will not make your ex fall in love with you again. Strive to be the person your ex fell for the first time.
Try to be genuinely happy and make your ex realize what he or she is missing. A happy person is like a beacon; they are easily spotted and attract people naturally. If you want your ex to join in on your happiness, then be happy.
How can you be happy after a breakup?
Start with doing the things you like such as hiking, going to the beach, nature photography and so on. If your ex runs into you while you are doing something that you love to do, he or she will start to wonder why you are able to get over the breakup and will become curious. You will constantly be on your ex’s mind, and he or she will start to miss being with you.
When trying to get your ex back, you must be creative, use subtlety, develop new skills, and have absolute self discipline in order to be successful with your endeavor. You have to be confident and believe that if you play your cards right, things will have a higher probability of going your way.
Do not get obsessed by getting your ex back, and allow both of you to breathe and achieve clarity of mind. Imposing your desire on your ex to get back together will simply make matters worse and will make it appear like you are clinging to him or her in a suffocating way. Everyone wants their own space, even you.
Analyze the reason for your breakup. Do not focus on whose fault it is. Just think about what happened, what you can both do to patch things up, what are the things you must change in order to get the relationship back on track. Ultimately, think about if getting back together with your ex is really what you want.
If you have decided that you want to get your ex back, do not flood him or her with messages or calls. Remember, allow your ex some space, but not so much that you both drift away from each other hopelessly. Minimize your contact with your ex but do not alienate yourself completely.
Finally, move on. Stop being and acting all depressed about the breakup. Keep doing the things that you normally do and try to be truly happy to attract your ex back.