You have just broken up with your partner, and now you have been longing to…
After the break-up, you may fear that you will be all alone for the rest of your life. The end of a love relationship can wreak emotional havoc in a person and make him or her desperate to get back his or her ex-partner. In fact, only after a separation most people realize how special a beautiful love relationship is and start missing their ex-partner. But there is no need to be disheartened as many broken relationships have been saved with some effort provided that you are willing to mend some past mistakes that led to the break-up in the fist place. If you are still single, here are some approaches that you can use to win your ex back.
Minimize Your Differences Even If You Have Not Much In Common
Breaking up is one of the most difficult things to go through in a relationship. The pain of break-up becomes unbearable when your heart still wants to be with that person, while the mind obviously points towards the reality of the situation. This tug-of-war between the heart and the mind can take a heavy toll on you.
Often common backgrounds, interest, and opinions are cited as reasons for a happy, long-lasting relationship. When a couple does not share interests, opinions, or come from a common background, they start to drift apart, deepening the gap between them. But this seemingly big problem can easily be solved. The key is to start taking interest in your ex’s interests. The important thing to realize here is that having different areas of interest is no reason for a breakup. In reality, no individuals are alike. Taking an interest in your ex’s interests might call for some effort on your part, but in the end it is worth trying. Once your ex sees you trying to take an interest in his or her hobbies, he or she will respect you more for making an effort and will feel closer to you.
At times, differences crop up because two partners are hardly able to agree on anything. While it is not a bad thing to have a mind of your own, you can only salvage your failing relationship by perhaps being less opinionated. If you are trying to get back with your ex, then it might not be a bad idea to agree with your ex every once in a while. Agreeing with the opinion or decision of your ex can be a huge confidence building step in your relationship.
Love is known to be blind but it happens when you least expect it. Therefore, when two people fall in love, nothing seems to matter. But as couples get on with their lives, the differences in between couples start creeping in and soon take on massive proportions. So the most important thing in a relationship is to accept your ex as she or he is since asking or expecting your ex to change will be unfair.
Be That Attractive Looking Person Again Once Your Ex Fell For
Lack of physical attraction between two people is known to be one of the main causes of break-ups. Men tend to secretly think that their ex-partner or ex-spouse is not sexy enough. Women often get caught in the drudgery of life, and think of grooming as an unnecessary task in itself. Gradually, partners tend to lose interest in one another. This also affects the sex life which is an integral part of a healthy relationship. So, if your sex life sucks, then you will have to take steps in resuscitate it.
As a woman, if you have been settled in your own comfortable world where you are wearing sports shoes and jeans, almost never use make-up or perfume, and don’t take care of yourself, then let this be a wake-up call for you. Men like to see beautiful and well-groomed women around them. If you have not been taking good care of yourself, then they are bound to ignore you. You will have to make him realize that you are still the hot, attractive girl that your ex fell in love with. So take out those head-turning outfits from the back of your closet, and put them on. You will soon become the only thing your ex remembers.
In order to look attractive, staying in shape is essential. Women must work hard on getting those hidden curves out. Whether you are wearing a bikini or a clingy dress at an evening outing, all the guys will have their eyes only on you. When other men ogle you, your ex will naturally feel envious and is likely to appreciate you more. A little jealousy will only help you to get him back.
For guys, reducing that pot belly is crucial. No woman likes to be with a man who is bulky and fat. And they are attracted to men with showy abs and biceps like a moth to a flame. Try to remember the last time you worked out in a gym, or went for a jog. Chart out a fitness program that will increase your endurance level. Working out in the gym will make you lean and fit. Also, if you like to roam around in sweaty t-shirts and smelly socks, then no prizes for guessing as to why you lost your love. Take those smart, sexy shirts out of your wardrobe, spray your cologne, and let loose the magic. Your ex is sure to fall for you again.
Clarify Any Misunderstandings Between You and Your Partner
Another common reason for couples breaking up is a misunderstanding between the two partners. In reality, misunderstanding shouldn’t be a reason for a break-up at all. But you can perhaps take comfort in the fact that it happens to all of us sometimes. Quite often, when we want to say something, regrettably it comes out totally different than what we had actually meant or it is misconstrued by your partner. Most of the tiffs arising from a misunderstanding is easy to repair. But there can also be some situations that may be beyond repair.
The most sensible course of action in such a case is to allow your partner some time alone. Or let your partner vent out all of his or her anger on you. You can make your explanations once your partner has spoken his or her heart out. While explaining your actions to your ex, try to be calm and gentle. While your are explaining yourself, your ex might still be harboring some negative feelings and make accusations. If you maintain your calm and sincerity, the issue will most likely be resolved without getting out of control. However, if you too get angry and get into an argument with your partner, the matter will only escalate instead of getting resolved.
It has been observed that a lot of misunderstandings occur due to a third person. If this is the case with you, then the first thing to do is to eliminate the role of the third person from your lives. You can ask the third person to help resolve the matter, if that person has accidentally committed a gaffe. That person can meet with your ex and explain the situation to resolve the issue. He or she will also be able to apologize for the misunderstanding caused in front of your ex.
If the third person has knowingly caused a misunderstanding between you and your partner, then the situation truly becomes complicated. You will have to analyze why that person wanted to disrupt your love life. There can be plenty of reasons for this. But the most likely reason is that the third person covets you partner too, and therefore, cannot bear to see the two of you happy together. If you are still in love with your ex, then you must assure of him or her of your feelings. Winning the love of your ex can require a lot of effort. You will have to compete with the other person and make your ex realize that the two of you are actually truly made for each other.
Don’t Accept To Be The Other Woman or Man
Did your relationship come to an end because your ex was married? Did your partner promise to get a divorce but reneged on his or her promise? Does your ex also have children? Do you think your ex will be able to leave his or her children for you? If these questions are nagging you, then you must look for some answers for the sake of your relationship. Especially, in case of children, you must decide if you are ready and willing to take on the responsibility of someone else’s children. If they are yours, you and your kids will have to talk about the prospect of letting a new person into your lives.
Do you really think that this kind of relationship does have a future? Or do you even want to be in such a relationship? You must understand that your ex was already cheating on his or her life partner. Therefore, he or she is not likely to be trustworthy and may not remain faithful to you. If you have been inclined towards giving your relationship another chance, then it is best that you do so only if some favorable developments have taken place. If your ex has initiated the process of separation from his or her spouse, then you can think of getting back with him or her. In case your ex is working to get a divorce, then, you should wait until the divorce process has been finalized. After that your you can talk to your ex about a life together.
On the other hand, if you are the one who is married but want to get back with your ex, a divorce proceeding will have to be initiated. Getting a divorce is also important because this step will give your ex the confidence he or she needs to have in you. Also it is a reflection of the sincerity of your intentions towards him or her.
In case you have children who will be with you after you separate from your spouse, you will need to sit and explain the situation to your children. They will have to get used to having a new person in their lives. A heart-to-heart chat with your ex is also in order. He or she will have to accept your kids as his or her responsibility, and shower them with the same kind of love and affection as you do. He or she, too, will have to get used to having kids around him or her all the time, as well as taking on the responsibilities that come with raising children. In any case, do not compromise the welfare of your children in a bid to get your ex back.
Overcome Addiction Problems Such As Smoking, Drinking or Drugs
Did your break-up come about because either you or your partner was suffering from an addiction problem? If you want to get back with your ex, make sure that your addiction problem has been treated. If it was your partner who had an addiction problem, then make sure that he or she is now completely free of the addiction.
If you are trying to get back with your ex who was addicted to smoking, drinking, or drugs, and if that person has now overcome this problem, then you must first let him or her know that you appreciate this great step he or she has taken. You must tell him or her how proud you are of him or her. Such words of appreciation are sure to give your ex a renewed sense of confidence. You should also tell you ex that you are happy that he or she will finally be able to lead a normal life, and enjoy the good things in life.
If the time is right, then express your desire of reviving your relationship with him or her. Although your ex is most likely to be ecstatic at the thought of the two of you getting back, you must not get disheartened if his or her answer is a resolute ‘no’. There can be two probable reasons for a negative answer in this case. First, your ex has met someone else. Or he or she finds the experience of addiction and then rehabilitation too embarrassing to commit himself or herself to a relationship. If he or she is with someone else, there is not much you can do about it but wish your ex all the best in his or her ‘new’ life. But if the latter is the reason, then you can try to convince your ex about the idea of getting back together. You can instill some confidence and self-esteem in him or her, and tell your ex that you are still very much in love with him or her. These arguments can help your ex realize how much he or she means to you.
In the case of your partner breaking up with you due to your addiction problem, you must first seek counseling about your situation and get enrolled in a rehabilitation program. Once you have been treated, you can think about your relationship. But if your addiction problem continues, then you can give up all hopes of getting back with your ex. No one wants to spend his or her life with a habitual smoker, drinker, or a drug addict. Only when you are completely recovered from your addiction problem, should you get in touch with your ex. Tell him or her that you have gone through a treatment program and are working towards a normal, healthy life. While you are at it, reveal your desire to get your relationship back to normal. You must make your ex see your true feelings for him or her. Maybe if you are completely honest about your situation and your love for your ex, he or she might consider continuing the relationship from where you two left it.
Get Professional Help For Your Abusive Behavior
Physical and mental abuse can cause irreparable damage to a relationship. If you think that you were physically abused by your partner, then it will be in your best interest to forget about your ex for good. Every person deserves to be treated with respect, and a relationship devoid of respect will be devoid of love, too. Remember that no relationship is worth staying in if it entails physical or mental abuse of any kind.
If you broke up with your partner because he or she was abusive, reviving that relationship is out of question. If however, your ex has been undergoing therapy or counseling to counter this problem, you can think of giving him or her a second chance. Even then, it is best to act cautiously. You do not want to rush into anything that you might regret later. Consult with you family and friends, speak with a counselor. Ask them if they think it is safe to get back with your ex, given his or her history of abusive behavior. If you wish, you can also speak with your ex and try to understand the reason for his or her behavior. You must return to the relationship only if you are absolutely confident about your ex’s psychological condition.
If you were the one who was being abusive in your relationship, put yourself in his or her shoes. If you are filled with a sense of self-loathing, then you are on the right track. It is said that the biggest step towards solving a problem is admitting it. You must realize that you will require professional help for the treatment of abusive behavior. You must undergo therapy to treat your temptation for physical abuse that you indulge in from time to time. Focus on the factors that cause such intense agitation in you, and try to eliminate or neutralize each of them.
Once you know and feel that you have been treated of this problem completely, then you can think about getting back with your ex. Inform your ex of your successful completion of the therapy and about how you have changed as a person. It is also extremely important to apologize to your ex for all the abusive acts you committed towards him or her. Initiate the process of getting back together only when you are convinced that your ex has completely forgiven you, and does not harbor any ill-feeling towards you for your past behavior. This might be a difficult challenge but it will have to be done if you want to get back with your ex.
Refrain From Asserting Your Ego
It is often difficult or rather impossible to put broken relationships back on track mainly due to the egos of the two people involved. The pride and ego of both partners can stop them from forgiving and forgetting and patching up. But once your swallow your pride and curb your ego, you will realize how easy it is to get back the to your previous relationship.
The most difficult aspect of curbing your ego is admitting that you were wrong, and basically taking responsibility for whatever went wrong with the relationship. If you are looking for a healthy relationship, then your ego will have go out of the equation. If your partner has hurt your ego, then the most sensible thing to do will be to forgive your ex for it. There is no need to jeopardize a healthy and loving relationship because of an ego problem. Even if your ex has hurt you a lot, you must forgive him or her for the sake of your relationship. Ignoring a lot of things your ex said to you in the heat of the moment can do a relationship a lot of good. Focus instead on the positive aspects of your relationship, along with your partner’s positive qualities. If you do this, your ex might also be inspired to follow suit, therefore creating a conducive environment for your relationship to blossom even further. You will then be ready to take your relationship to the next level.
If, however, you are the one who has said bad things to your partner, then you must suppress your ego and apologize to him or her. Do not be ashamed of saying that you are sorry, and you regret what you did or said. Explain yourself to your ex in a calm and composed manner. Make sure that you are sincere in doing this. It is likely that he or she will appreciate your honesty and the effort you are making in trying to save the relationship.
No matter how difficult it is to speak to your ex about your mistakes, acknowledging them out in the open is a courageous thing to do. Give your word to your ex that you will not repeat the same mistakes again. While this should normalize your relationship, your ex might not feel so generous about it. You will have to prepare yourself for that eventuality.
Balance Your Personal and Professional Life
Relationships take a hard hit if either of the partners is not really ready to commit themselves. You may feel ready for a relationship, but in reality you may not be. Or maybe the relationship came at a bad time. This may happen because you may not be able to handle your professional and personal life at the same time.
Relationships are delicate that need to be nurtured and loved. Giving your relationship enough time and attention are crucial in order to sustain it. If you are at work all the time and unable to spend quality time at home with your partner, or if you are in the habit of taking work home, then naturally your beloved partner will start drifting away from you.
The physical and emotional distance between you and your partner will erode your relationship, making it weak and susceptible to the lightest of winds. Therefore, even if it means earning less than you normally do, cut back on your work and try and take some time out for your partner. If you can, try not to bring work home.
Concentrate on your work when you are working, and focus entirely on your home life when you are at home. You will then be able to handle the pressures of both of them. You will also be able to keep both your boss and your partner happy. When you are at work, your partner will understand your position and not press you to spend more time with him or her. On the other hand, people at your workplace will appreciate your personal concerns and give you enough time to spend with your loved ones.
If work takes you away from your partner for long periods of time, you can offer to take your ex with you. This way you will be able to spend some quality time together when you are not working. If this arrangement cannot be worked out, then you should call your ex and tell that you miss him or her. If you are working long hours, then make a quick phone call to your ex to tell you love him or her. Try to come home with a small gift for your ex. This gift could be a box of chocolates, tickets to a movie or opera over the weekend, or just some flowers. This is sure to make your ex realize how much you value him or her. These steps will also bring out your romantic side which you may have forgotten earlier due to the pressure of work.
If the lack of balance between your personal and professional lives has been responsible in ruining your relationship, then maybe you can let him or her know that you are now able to handle both personal and professional lives together. You will have to convince your ex that he or she holds an important place in your life and that his or her concerns will not be sacrificed at the expense of your professional life. At the same time, you will have to explain to your ex the importance of your work. Make him or her understand that you are working hard to provide a better life for both of you. You will realize that sharing some quality time with your loved one will refresh you emotionally and mentally, and you will be ready to take on the biggest challenges of your professional life with renewed vigor.
On the other hand, if you are the one in the relationship to suffer because of your partner’s workload, then you can mend a broken relationship by trying to be more understanding of his or her position.