You meet a single mom who is attractive and likeable. You want to ask her out. You are also aware that she presents a challenge. So how do you go about ensuring this first date has a good chance of being a success?
Much of the preparatory work for dating a single mom does not vary that much from that required for a single female. You need to do your research. You need to find out the following:
- Does she like you?
- Is she interested in dating?
- Is she interested in dating you?
- Her interests
- Any activities you may have in common.
You also need to decide on a time and place as the dating venue. You require the above information to guide you in your choice and approach. In this particular instance, however, you have to take into consideration other factors, that’s, her children.
Dating A Single Mom With Children
Dating a single mom can be a logistical nightmare that could challenge even the most seasoned political campaigner. While you are not dating the woman’s children, they do play a significant role in when, for how long and even where you can date. You have to consider her time frame when it comes to asking her out. You may have to give her a more open-ended invitation or ask well in advance for the date. For example, the event you invite her may be for this weekend, but her ex-husband does not take the kids until next weekend as he is not always flexible.
As a result, you have to plan well in advance to ask her out and be very aware of her schedule. Use an invitation that is flexible. Consider the following lines:
- Would you like to go out with me sometime?
- I know you are pretty busy with work and your kids, but I would like to go out with you. Is there any time that is good for you?
- There’s a concert/lecture/event next week/month. Would you be interested?
- Do you have time to have lunch or coffee with me?
- Would you like to grab a bite to eat/catch a movie/go to a dance and so on some time soon?
Part of asking a single mom out is to let her know you know she has children. Do not make an issue of it. Do not appear to know too much about her circumstances. It could scare her off. Some single moms have trust issues. Let her know it is her you wish to date. You know she has children, but you want to get to know her first.
Where To Go On The First Date
Where you decide to take your date depends on you, her interests and her availability. In this instance, her schedule and the demands of her children will prevail over what you may consider important. While children do not rule your life, they are an important factor in hers. In essence, you are dating both the woman and her children.
For a first date, you may want to make it a lunch break from work. It may be convenient for her to see you while her children are at school or in day care. This also allows the two of you to meet and discover information about each other with a decreased possibility of child interference. In this instance, there will be a time constraint for both of you, but this can help you to focus on more important things.
After school or work, dates may prove to be more difficult. Even the average type of first date may be tricky. Do not take it personally if she has to leave abruptly. Do not be upset if she cancels the date. Children become sick or present obstacles, usually without premeditation. Simply ask her to reschedule your first date and take it from there.
You should not arrange your first date to include the children. This is only the first date which may just end there. Your intent is to get to know her better. Later, there will be plenty of opportunities to see her in her other role. Having children present on the first date also sends them the wrong signal and complicates the situation. At this junction, you do not know for sure if there will be a second date, let alone a relationship.
On a first date, what you say and do not say can hurt you and your chances for a second date. The two of you need to talk in order to get to know each other better. You both need to provide information on your lives, interests, opinions and preferences. It is highly likely that she will want to talk some about her kids. Be prepared to listen to her candidly. Do not offer your opinion unless she asks for them or you have some experience.
At the same time, you need to talk about yourself. At this early stage of dating, no single person should dominate the conversation. You should both provide information about essential things about yourselves. Preferably, you should both go about talking about beyond basic things without providing intimate and detailed information about the past. Neither of you should spend too much time talking about former mates.
You need to move the conversation along mutually interesting topics. Drawing on your research about her and possibly the event you have just attended, you can talk or ask about it. Ask about her favorite books, TV shows, music, and authors. Keep the tone light but not frivolous. Never dismiss her opinions as invalid or insignificant. This may be the reason she is now separated. You can try to be amusing if you can do so, but not at her expense.
It is not easy to ask a single woman out for the first time. It requires all sorts of research and preparation. You need to look and sound your best without exposing your vulnerabilities. It is never a painless task. In asking a single mom out, you are making the event more challenging. It will require more patience and dexterity to arrange and carry out your first of what could be many dates.