When senators do it we demand resignations, but when our own spouses do it we demand pure vengeance. Whatever your reaction is to finding out your spouse is cheating, you have to be totally convinced he’s really cheating. And using the word “he” is a bit presumptuous, but for the sake of easy narrative, let’s just go with the stereotype. Don’t misinterpret that though because the cheater can be on either or both sides of this equation.
There are many ways to peg down whether or not your husband’s been playing around behind your back. Some of them can get quite intricate though, such as hiring detectives. Before going that far it’s best to gather some basic information first. That information will be used to determine whether or not it’s probably your husband is cheating or whether it’s more likely you’re letting paranoia get the better of you.
The best information to gather is just about any information there is. Ask questions often about his habits and his socializing. This can easily come across as mere interest, and by all means do whatever you can to keep the interrogating tone out of your voice. What you are basically doing is gathering facts so as to potentially catch him in a lie later on.
Now, there are many different so called lie detector techniques out there, and there are actually quite a few books written on the topic. Of course, you aren’t about to strap your husband up to a lie detecting machine now, are you? No, so instead you need to employ some of the more subtle methods.
Common knowledge and pop culture likes you to base your lie detecting skills on which way a person’s eyes are pointing when they answer a question. That’s not the best method though for a lot of reasons. For one thing, it’s hard to pay enough attention to that without looking like you’re staring. For another, it’s just not that accurate!
The best technique is actually one that can be done over the phone, but it works in person just as well. The over the phone thing is a real benefit though because it allows you to keep all the distractions of his body languages from influencing you.
What you have to do is ask a loaded question. If you think he was out one night with his lover but he gives you another excuse, you should ask about something that’s only indirectly related. For example, if he’s supposed to be at the office you can say “Oh, I heard there were a lot of fire trucks outside your building. Was it bothersome?”
And why does his answer to that matter? Well, if he was actually at the office like he claimed he’ll quickly snap back with “What fire trucks?” If he’d been lying, then he’ll be forced to think about how to respond and thus creating a noticeable pause.
Don’t gamble your marriage on that pause, but use it as guidance for your next move. Also, that little trick can be used for a lot more than just catching cheating husbands or wives.