After the break-up, you may fear that you will be all alone for the rest…
It can be incredibly difficult when trying to save a failing marriage to not fall into the all too familiar trap of the “blame game.” It is easy to put all of the failings of the marriage onto your significant other. But that is where the trouble began and is likely to doom any attempts at making your marriage strong again. So how do you avoid the “blame game” and actually save your marriage? There are some tips and techniques that you need to utilize if you truly want your marriage to succeed.
The first step is easy. That is never speaking when angry. Yes, you are going to fight because obviously you already know that your marriage is failing. That means arguments. It is entirely too easy to say things in a fit of anger that you truly would not say when you were calm. So remember what your Kindergarten teacher taught you, “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.” You just have to modify it a bit. When the temperature gets soaring then take a few minutes apart to calm down and collect your thoughts and give your partner time to collect his or hers.
The second step is to stop having a massive memory. Yes, that may sound like an oxymoron but when you are trying to save your failing marriage you need to stop sweating the small stuff. The blame game is all about the small stuff. It is remembering all the times your significant other did not remember an important event. It is remembering every harsh word spoken in anger, which came from not regarding step one, and keeping a mental inventory. It is time to delete that memory bank and start anew. Concentrate on the issue at hand and do not bring up small petty issues from the past. Obviously if there is infidelity involved or something huge, you cannot use this step but you can utilize it for the small stuff that often sabotages productive conversations. And yes, there are such things as productive arguments as well. Which brings us to step three, the final step.
Step three is all about learning to forgive. Yes, there are going to be some things that are easy to blame the other partner for but remember it takes two people to end a marriage. It takes two people to fight. If both people can learn to forgive and sometimes, forget, then there can be steps taken towards uncovering the root causes of unhappiness and you can save a failing marriage. It will not be easy to leave the blame game behind but it can be done. Just take a long, deep breath and realize that love started the relationship and it is still there. Once you do away with the blame game and take personal responsibility for your actions…your partner will hopefully do the same. It will not always be easy but it can be done and you can save you failing marriage.